


I'll Be Home For Christmas....Eventually

by alittlegreenrosetta



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Christmas, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 06:43:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5775586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlegreenrosetta/pseuds/alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harley Quinn was stuck in Arkham over the holidays but she's out now and it's time for some Christmas cheer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Home For Christmas....Eventually

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DocQuinn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DocQuinn/gifts).



“Deck the halls with boughs of holly! FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!” Harley Quinn sang at the top of her lungs while throwing the last handful of silver tinsel icicles onto the Christmas tree in front of her. She stepped back to look her work over. It was beautifully covered in sparkly silver to the point where the tree underneath was barely visible. “Perfect!”

She headed to the Joker’s office but stopped in front of his door to adjust the white trimmed red negligee and checked that her harlequin cap was on straight. She smiled happily at the imagined reaction she would get from the Joker when he saw her. People really underestimated the appeal of holiday themed novelty lingerie. She considered knocking on the door for a moment but she knew he’d ignore her so she just threw the door open and pranced into the room. Mr. J didn’t even look up at her. That was ok, she was used to having to force him to pay attention to her. Fortunately he was deep in thought in a position that made it easy for her to slide into his lap before he could stop her. By the time he realized he had a lap full of Harley, she had her arms wrapped around his neck and was prepared to cling to him like a barnacle if he tried to move her. He sighed with what she assumed must be surrender and she took that as a sign to interrupt his work officially.

“Puddin’, it’s time to go out and see what Santa brought you!” She said with excitement.

“Harley, it’s January, Christmas is over. Now get down off Daddy’s lap like a good little girl and he won’t punish you.” The Joker replied.

“I know it’s January but I was in Arkham at Christmas and you didn’t break me out until now so we’re having Christmas in January. Don’t you want to see your present? I think you’ll really like it.” She finished her appeal with a kiss on his cheek.

“But Harley, you’re Jewish.” He pointed out in another attempt to send her on her way.

“Yeah well you didn’t bust me out for Hanukkah either!” She snapped but then realized that she needed to change her approach if she wanted to get her way. “Pretty please, Daddy, just come open your present and have some egg nog and then you can get back to your work. I’ll be a good girl and watch Christmas movies for the rest of the night, I promise.”

The Joker gave her a look that made it clear that he didn’t believe her but she could tell he was curious about his present. The Joker liked gifts a lot. She knew he probably hadn’t gotten her anything, he hadn’t even bothered to break her out of the asylum until she’d been there for two months but she had a feeling that after such a long time without her she could talk him into stuffing her stocking tonight. She got up off his lap and dragged him by the arm into the room with the tinsel covered Christmas tree and he followed her with little resistance. Once they got to the tree she pulled him down to the floor with her and then extracted the beautifully wrapped gift she had for him out from under it and handed it to her Puddin’. She clapped excitedly as he unwrapped the box. When he opened it and saw what was inside his face went from annoyed to surprised. He looked up at her and smiled and she beamed back at him.

“Do you like it Mr. J? Isn’t it just perfect?” She asked as he pulled his gift out of the box and put it on. It was a heavy ring with a large amethyst surrounded by rows of citrine and emeralds. It was gaudy and ostentatious and it was just the right gift for her Puddin’. Not just anyone could pull off something so striking.

“It’s great kiddo, you did good.” He replied while admiring the large glittering ring on his own finger. ”This will leave a nice dent in a certain vigilante’s poorly protected jaw.”

“It belonged to some sort of king or emperor or something. I can’t remember, some bigwig with good taste in bling.” Harley explained. Mr. J was looking at her so kindly that she couldn’t help but throw herself into his arms and plant a kiss on him. He indulged her affection and didn’t stop her when she deepened the kiss.

“Does Santa have anything for me, Mr. J?” She asked while giving him a coquettish look. As she expected, he responded to her advances quickly and before she knew it he had pushed her down on the floor next to the Christmas tree. The best part of getting out of Arkham was always how enthusiastic her Puddin’ was the first time she managed to seduce him after her time away from him. Her gift seemed to have fanned the flames of his ardor even higher than usual and she giggled crazily when he nearly ripped her negligee in half due to his excitement.

While the Joker licked and bit at her nipples she threw her head back and delighted in the sensation of her lover’s touch. She looked up and saw that her face was under the Christmas tree which sparkled beautifully from this angle, enhancing her already blissful feelings. As the Joker made his way further down her body she lifted her head and looked down at him. It didn’t matter how long she was with him, she would never stop feeling a rush of power at seeing the Joker’s head between her legs. A lot of people pretended they didn’t understand why she was in love with her Mr. J but she was hardly the first person to be attracted to power and he oozed it. Not that this was the only reason she loved him. He was also the funniest, handsomest, most wonderful Puddin’ ever. She didn’t have time to further contemplate his finer qualities because at that moment he pushed his tongue into her pussy and suddenly her brain lost the ability to do anything more than help her scream and moan while he licked and sucked at her clit.

Her latest stretch in Arkham had been longer than usual and she was desperate for her Puddin’, the only reason she hadn’t jumped him the day before was because she had been busy finishing up her holiday shopping. Well holiday stealing really but what kind of villain pays for things? Anyway as much as she was enjoying Mr. J going down on her she needed him inside her, now. She grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled on it to let him know she wanted him to move on from what he was doing. He gave her an annoyed look. Once you managed to seduce Mr. J it wasn’t generally a good idea to try and tell him what to do. Not if you didn’t want a busted lip anyway. She gave him a pleading look that she hoped reminded him that this was her Christmas present. He still glared at her.

“I just need you inside me so badly, Puddin’.” She begged. That brought a smile to his face again and he unfastened his pants and moved up her body.

“Of course you do baby, two months without Daddy must have been pretty tough on you.” He said in a sympathetic tone. “Don’t worry pumpkin, I’m gonna make you feel all better.”

Harley squeaked with delight at his words and then again when he actually thrust his cock inside her. He covered her mouth with his hand which would normally have annoyed her but she didn’t care tonight. Every touch from her Puddin’ felt amazing after two months away. And the hard fast fucking he was giving her seemed to suggest he shared her enthusiasm. She did everything she could to keep from coming and enjoy the experience for as long as she could but she was overwhelmed by the pleasure and didn’t manage to last long. She’d gotten herself off plenty while she was in Arkham, usually while staring at a picture of Mr. J, but there was nothing like get fucked by the most powerful man in Gotham’s big cock. She may not have had much build up to her orgasm but it exploded in her brain like a nuclear bomb. Even with the Joker’s hand over her mouth she was making a lot of noise and when he tightened his hand tighter against her mouth to shut her up she managed to bite him instead. That seemed to be enough to send him over the edge too and Harley found herself staring back up into the sparkling silver of the Christmas tree over her head again in delight as the last waves of her orgasm crashed over her.

Harley knew that her orgasm had been intense but she couldn’t figure out why she was still hearing a wailing sound. She’d stopped screaming hadn’t she? And Mr. J definitely wasn’t making the high pitched sound. After she had come down from her orgasm a bit she realized that what she was hearing was the sound of sirens. Oh well that wasn’t important, Gotham City was full of the sounds of sirens. Except that this hideout wasn’t in Gotham City, it was outside the city limits and pretty isolated. Did that mean the sirens were coming here? She looked up at Mr. J and saw that he was staring at her with narrowed eyes and a suspicious look on his face.

“Harley, where _exactly_ did you get my ring?” He asked her, his voice full of unfair accusations. Well, unfair because he didn’t know for sure she’d stolen it.

“It was part of an exhibit. The Treasures of Brazil. There were so many nice things, Puddin’ but this was the best, shiniest, most wonderful present for my Mr. J that there could ever be.” She tilted her head down, lifted her eyes and tried to look sincere and loving. This was possibly the first time she’d ever had to defend her abilities at villainy while he was still inside her. A moment later that was no longer true as he had jumped up and was refastening his trousers quickly while muttering under his breath. She let out a sad sigh. But at least she’d gotten off first.

“Out of Arkham for one day and you would interrupt my work by robbing the Natural History Museum. And of course you botched it and led them here.” The Joker grumbled to himself while opening a trunk against the wall and pulling out two large guns and handing one to her now that she had stood up and come over to him. She looked down and realized she’d be fighting off the cops in a torn negligee with her breasts barely contained by the material. She laughed madly at the image and grabbed the gun Mr. J held out to her.

When they looked out the windows at the front of the building they were hiding out in, a half dozen police cars could be seen with their lights flashing and sirens still wailing. Harley realized there was no way these guys knew who was inside the building they were approaching or they would never had given them the advance warning of sirens. She smiled at the thought of the bloodbath that was about to happen in front of their hideout. Sure, they’d still have to move but killing cops always put a smile on Mr. J’s face and he probably wouldn’t even be mad at her about her less than clean get away from the museum. She couldn’t imagine how they’d managed to figure out where the person who robbed the museum was hiding out but hadn’t deduced who the criminal was. That was Gotham for you, cops came in two flavors corrupt or incompetent. Some of them managed to be a swirl cone of both.

Seeing that they were up against some clueless cops and with no sign of Batman anywhere, Mr. J was now laughing and having a good time with their new toys in uniforms. It made it feel even more like Christmas to have a reason to throw grenades and fire off assault rifles. Harley proudly considered her gift to her Puddin’ even more wonderful now that it had included this unexpected little scuffle. Every S.W.A.T team deployment had a silver lining in her experience, you just had to look for it. Even by playing with their victims and trying to only shoot them in non-lethal spots, it didn’t take long before the cops were all dead and their cars riddled with bullet holes. Mr. J finished his fun by shooting out the flashing lights on the cars while Harley put her gun down and ran to the kitchen to get them each a glass of eggnog. Sure, they should probably get moving before the Gotham City police department figured out that this arrest mission hadn’t gone well but it had been such a merry Christmas that she was determined to end it on the right note. A glass of eggnog and a kiss under the mistletoe from her Puddin’.

“Merry Christmas, Puddin’!” Harley exclaimed as she pulled the Joker under the spot she had hung the mistletoe and handed him his eggnog

“Harley, for the last time, it’s January…” The Joker started to complain but she quickly pushed her lips on to his to stop him from ruining her fun. It was Christmas for her and it had been the best one she could remember.

As the Joker broke their kiss Harley noticed when she looked out the window that the yellow beacon light of the bat signal could be seen hovering over Gotham City. The Joker followed her gaze and smiled at the sight. She knew that look, it was a “Gee a fight with Batman sure sounds fun right now even though it’ll end with Harls and me back in Arkham.” look. Valentine’s Day was less than a month away, she wasn’t going to spend another holiday in the asylum.

“Oh no you don’t! No way, no how mister! We are leaving!” She shouted as she ran off to change into her harlequin costume and get the babies ready to go. It was one thing to have Christmas late and quite another to give the Joker an excuse not to prove his love to her on February 14th.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to post a holiday story in the middle of January but you know, a girl just can't have a really happy holiday in an asylum especially when she doesn't have her Puddin' there to celebrate with.


End file.
